Enrich Adorn Lushes RedHead

changing time

Well, times are good, but times are changing. I don’t know, if I should leave or stay. No matter what I say nor do he doesn’t see that I am staving for his attentions. Either way, I go right now. I’ll be alone. I’m always alone. Our summer is coming to an end and the weather is nice outside, but yet I continue to wait for his attention inside. Waiting is the best thing I do in life.

July 28, 2010 Posted by | Be | 1 Comment

Words of PMS

If someone asked you to do something and you do it, but you still get your head bitten off or accused of being rude, would you continue talking about the subject or even to this person? I finally got the balls to talk about how I’m feeling about a certain situation, than it turns into I’m attacking or putting him down. Which I feel that I’ve been completely understanding about the situations.

I also been keeping a positive outlook on my living situation. I’ve made some friends and events. Which is great. On the other hand I have to watch what I say and do with my other roommate, because I’ll receive the cold shoulder or back lashing on the subject from the other roommate. 😦

The only thing I really want right now, is his touch and kisses. I should say his affection.

May 30, 2010 Posted by | Be | Leave a comment

Learning how to be patience

Learning how to be patience when the situation isn’t well. These past couple of weeks have been pretty hard for me. I’m still looking for work and need to dumb down my resume, which even, than… I don’t think I’ll get hired, because I’m the outsider here, need him to realize that I’m always last in his life, need to have patience with a jealous 19 year old. I don’t know, if I can handle it all.

Yes, I don’t have to worry about waking up and going to work, but I still only get about 3 to 5 hours of sounded sleep a night. Which isn’t good, because I’m pretty moody the following day.

As for my relationship, I really don’t know… I’m happy with him, the move and the lifestyle change, but I’m not happy with the shorter end of the stick. I’m always the last to receive his attention. All I want is for him to realize this, but it’s always comes out in a huge drama fulled bullshit fight. After all the homework, friends distractions and errands. I’m the last person to receive his affection, which really sucks… Because this means the sex becomes crummy and his pretty moody and I’m left with wanting more of him. I feel this isn’t fair to me. I really don’t say much, but when I do I’m always bitchy about it and don’t know how to say it without becoming more pissy about the whole situation. I don’t know why I just can’t come out and say this, instead of realizing after becoming a bitch.

The living arrangement, I heart my room and bed with him, but I dislike living with someone who is 19 year old and acts like a 5 year old when he doesn’t get his attention from him. He only wants his attention in anyway he can get it… Even it means for him being child towards me, which I really do hate. This always puts him in the middle and me looking like the dumbass. Anyways… I’ve decided to call him out on it. Hopefully, he’ll realize and this whole situation will be resolved. I really hate kids!

As for the whole lifestyle change. I’m okay. I’m well. I need my relationship to be stronger and sound. I need to be able to sleep at night. I need to be a lot less pissy when I’m annoyed with the 19 year old. I need his affection and support. Man, there’s a lot of I NEED here. I want to be sound again. Maybe, this is the reason why I never called anyone my boyfriend for so long.

May 4, 2010 Posted by | Be | Leave a comment

Valentine’s Day = Another Day

Today, I hoped to spend it with my boyfriend. Just him and I, but no. We woke up to our mom calling and asking for help. I reminded him this morning its Valentine’s Day, but still nothing. We came home. I made lunch for all of us than he jumps on wow. I’m ok with playing wow on another other day, but I want my turn. I only want to spend one day with him only. When am I going to have my turn. I leave on Wednesday and yet, we haven’t spent one day together without running to help someone. I’m trying not to be bitchy or complain. The only thing that I’ve asked for on this day is too spend time with him. I don’t want flowers. I don’t want gifts. I only want to spend this day with him. I guess, I have to learn how to share again. Today is another day.

February 14, 2010 Posted by | Be | 1 Comment

Late night post

Laying here in my bed, the only thing I can think of is Troy. Troy… For many years I’ve kept him at bay never to close, but never too far away. Troy… Finally? The one person who can bring me to my knees is the one person who I am with. How in the world did all this happen? Why when? After years of pining and wondering if Troy ever saw the raw emotions I had for him. Troy finally sees them and takes ever ounce in. I wonder if Troy even neither knows nor understands the level of emotions I have for him. Are you supposed to have strong feeling for someone… for a person? For a man who you barely know, but you think you know him, but you only known him as a child… Why? How? What is it? Is it your sixth sense? This is the one area in human behavior that I don’t understand. I don’t understand the power of love or lust. I don’t understand how a man’s mind computes their mate.  I do know once they fall completely in manly love (LOVE is the magical word here). There’s no return for him. You’re it! No other women will ever change his mind.

Troy equals happiness. How do I just be happy? How to I place sweet, gentle, brilliant Troy in my messy world of insecurities. Dear Gods… Please give me strength to keep my sweet, gentle brilliant Angel. Please…

January 27, 2010 Posted by | Be | 1 Comment